New Year's Resolutions

Do you think I'll stick to my resolutions if I publicly announce them on my blog? It's worth a shot, right?

Right.

First, this year has been a whirlwind of excitement, travel, home improvement projects, challenges, and a lesson that life never slows down. In fact, I think each passing year speeds up.

Excitement: watching Eddie grow up before our very eyes. It is fun to see each new milestone and bewildering to discover that Dave and I have a lot to learn from our little Eddie.

Travel: Eddie and I went to so many places this year and Dave came along on many of our trips (France, Reno, Iowa, Georgia, Long Beach, I'm sure there were others that I can't remember right now). I love traveling but traveling with a child is SO MUCH WORK. I miss being able to read a book and sip my Starbucks or even sleep on a plane without having to juggle a kid and all his stuff. Even with my mom's help on all those trips it is still a lot of work. Next year I plan on going to the Soils conference alone, without Eddie. It will be in San Antonio and I can't wait.

Home improvement projects: Dave and I get so much joy from our home. And not just from watching movies in our comfy living room or cooking food in our well appointed kitchen. We love fixing, improving, and modifying our home because it allows us to spend quality time together and fix, improve, and modify ourselves and our relationship while doing it. Most projects are done together and it is often the only "us" time we get during the weekends. New to our home this year are a chicken coop (and 4 birds), garden irrigation and raised beds, some windows, indoor panel doors...and probably more.

Challenges: In the last 12 months I've had to navigate the overwhelming world of being a working and mostly-single mother. I've also had to learn to care for other people's children in order to earn extra income during the week (and how to give myself a break and let one of the kids go because it just wasn't a good fit). We've learned how to share our home with a tenant and give up a whole room of our house for the year--along with that I've learned to adjust my standards of how my house is organized and maintained. Having a housemate (a male one at that) made me relax my ideals of cleanliness, noise, etc. Above all else, Dave and I continue to deal with the challenges of living apart for work reasons. It is becoming more and more clear that this situation isn't sustainable emotionally--financially it is the only way to go right now. Hopefully something will change soon.

Life never slows down! I keep hoping it will so I can stop to smell the roses, but I know it won't. (I actually DO stop to smell the roses and I'm surprised by how few of them actually smell good. That must be a metaphor for something.)

Okay, now on to my resolutions.

1. To stop using Dave's work situation (him in Gualala, me in Davis) as an excuse to hold me back from moving forward with my degree. I don't mean this in a bad way toward Dave at all. But I think a year of moping is enough--I need to buck up or back down. I'm not much for backing down (especially after this much work) so buck up time is here. I don't think anyone (except maybe my dad and brother...) would hold it against me if I chose to quit school so I could move up with Dave. Our situation puts a lot of pressure and responsibility on me. But since I'm pursuing my Ph. D. only for myself, I'd only be letting myself down. Dave supports me in every way a husband and friend can: emotionally, physically, financially. The synergy of our marriage is intense; even when he's not here he is supporting me and my wants/desires.

We took this picture of ourselves on December 15, 2005...just over five years ago. I'm happy to report that I love him way more today than I did back then.Anyway...back on track: I had a chronological list of things I thought I needed done in order to move forward: have Dave get settled in a job "down here," then have my heart procedure, then study for and take my oral qualifying exam (I was afraid that I'd set off the heart problem again with all the anxiety of that exam), finish my experimental research, and write my dissertation while applying for post doc positions or teaching jobs. Well, the first one hasn't happened and I can't sit around waiting forever so I decided that I just need to move forward with that list. Life's all about adaptation and resourcefulness, right?

We all choose our own paths in life, and for some reason I chose to let my husband be happy by quitting his terrible/awful/shitty corporate job to do something that fulfills him (working for/with his dad in his hometown, doing work that betters his community and will ultimately benefit our entire Bower family)...and since his daily happiness truly makes me happy, then I know I have the personal capacity to do the same for myself. We are all aware that no one else can make us happy, only we can make ourselves happy. I chose the path I'm on so I'd better suck it up and make it work. And I will be happy doing it, goshdarnit.

2. I will wean myself from keeping my hair up in a ponytail all the time. There are two things I ALWAYS had with me up until about six months ago: chapstick and a hairband. Always. Meaning that if I forgot one of those things and was too far from my dorm room or house to go get it, I'd stop at a store and buy one. Eddie is obsessed with my chapstick tubes--he likes to gnaw on the rough plastic on the twist-up end--and since he was always taking them from my pockets and key chain and losing them I was forcibly weaned from using chapstick all the time.

This past week I have been forcing myself to keep my hair down and get used to the way my hair feels on my neck. I usually having a band on my wrist for dangerous situations: cooking over an open flame, dealing with chemicals in the lab, etc.

Why bother? Well, what's the point of having longish hair if I'm only going to keep it up? It looks nicer down.

3. I will make a conscious effort to have fewer "Jane" moments and more "Avis" moments. If you don't know what that means, don't worry about it.

This is my Grandma Avis: I should probably have a resolution about motherhood on here, but numbers 1 and 3 will definitely benefit Eddie for the rest of his life (assuming I follow through).

Steel Drum Band

While up in Gualala last week, Peggy pulled out all her stainless steel nesting bowls and played them like drums with Eddie. He had SUCH a good time doing it. She did, too...so much so that she'd suggest doing it about twice a day.

Family Photo Proof Sheet

My dad emailed me the proof sheet of some of the photos he took this past weekend. He, of course, thinks they are all terrible...but despite the shadows behind my brother's head, I think the top left one could be nice to hang on the wall after a little cropping. Except that I hate the way I'm sitting in that photo (my thighs look huge) and you can tell I was having to "wrangle" Eddie to stay still in my lap.

The top right photo is pretty representative of our family: Eddie is busy concentrating on other things and my dad looks like a ghost against the dark background. (In his defense he was pretty sick that day so he wasn't really "there" fully anyway.)

Check out the bottom right photo. It is double exposed (meaning that my dad accidentally took two pictures on the same sheet of film). Eddie and I totally changed positions between the two takes...but the most striking thing is that my dad is in almost the exact same place, twice. He had to walk away from us to cock the shutter between the photos, yet he resumed the same pose, location, AND facial expression for each picture! Crazy, right? Well, not to me. There's that saying, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks..." Let's just say that applies here.

Eddie is always looking someplace other than the camera because we would quickly point to something for him to look at, or throw keys or a cell phone onto the carpet near the camera to catch his attention. My dad used an airbulb thing in his hand attached to the camera via a long tube to take the picture--so there was no person behind the camera to catch Eddie's attention for us.

Barfy Bumkin

Poor Eddie puked all over me while we were in my parents' living room doing a family photo (Edward, my parents, and us three Bowers). It isn't often that we are all in Livermore at the same time so my dad decided we should do a family photo. My dad still has a cough and wasn't feeling well but we pushed through. After about 5 or 6 frames Eddie barfed. So that wrapped up the shoot!

Poor kid...I knew he was a little 'off' today: no poop when he woke up, not interested in eating much, took a short nap, was super clingy. We were planning on staying another night in Livermore, but Dave wanted to head home so he could have a little time in his own house (poor Dave, he's hardly ever here). Luckily Eddie didn't puke in the car. While Dave was out picking up a pizza for dinner Eddie did upchuck again. I phoned Dave so he could swing by CVS for some kiddo electrolyte drink.

Eddie was SO excited to see that pizza! He ate almost a whole slice of pizza and a bunch of olives we picked off our slices for him, and drank a bunch of the electrolyte stuff.

As I was dressing him in his jammies for bed just now, I told him I am sorry he is sick, that I hope he's all better, but that if he's not it is okay and we will just take it easy tomorrow. I remember when I was little having a tummy ache and seriously thinking that I must have done something wrong to deserve it...that God was punishing me. I HATE having an upset stomach. Ug.

I'm super tired since I didn't sleep well last night ( Dave and I slept on air mattresses last night and they are only slightly better than sleeping on the floor) and I suspect I will have to get up in the middle of night to tend to my sick Eddie. Hopefully I will be able to fall asleep soon. My current book, called At Home by Bill Bryson, is so good that I tend to stay up too late reading it.

Oh, and Happy New Year...! :)

Water, Water, Everywhere!

My apologies for not having posted anything in a while. I had a bad sinus infection while recovering from my heart procedure, then threw a baby shower, then got my plants growing at school for my "big" experiment, then my parents came up for the week before Christmas to install windows (Dave took the week off for that, too), then the craziness of the holiday. And now Eddie and I are up in Gualala for the week while Dave works. We will head to Livermore for New Year's Eve before finally resuming my normal life of daycare, work, etc.

The internet here at my in laws' house is nearly dial-up-slow so using the computer after Eddie is asleep is not appealing.

It started raining today but before it got intense, Eddie and I played in the puddles on the runway. He got soaked...mostly because he fell down a lot and because he's so short that even non-puddles cover his boots. I had his jeans rolled way up high so they wouldn't wick water up his legs, but I should have just dressed him in shorts. But those have been packed away in a vacuum bag in his closet for months...just waiting for the next kiddo to come along and wear them (probably Dyani's babe).

I didn't realize it'd be raining so heavily or for so many days when we decided to come up for the week. Eddie's daycare is closed this week and I wanted to "do" something instead of just hang around in Davis. Plus seeing my in laws is always fun.

Since Gualala is barely a dot on the map, there aren't a lot of indoor, rainy day things to do up here with a kid of Eddie's size (and energy level). His attention span and interest aren't developed enough for coloring, decorating cookies, building forts with tables and chairs, playing with playdough, and all the other obvious ideas. So we spent as much time outside as our rain gear would allow, then played with Grammy's pots/pans, made towers to knock over with her canned goods, threw balls for the dogs, ate lots of snacks (Peggy has yummy stuff we don't usually have at home like fishie crackers and cheddar popcorn), and visited Dave and his dad at the water company office. Eddie had fun seeing them and Taters (Dave took him to work that day) and running around like a banshee in the conference room. Swivel chairs, panels of light switches, rotary phones, and a metal desk with drawers that make a tremendous BANG sound when slammed shut over and over and over...

The rain really started coming down around noon. After Eddie's nice, long two hour nap the sky opened up and the wind started blowing it sideways. We stopped by the market to buy a few things for Peggy and all the shopping carts were really wet. I decided not to use one because Eddie's butt would have been soaked. So I carted my 23 pound wriggle worm around on my hip...and somehow managed to buy a large tub of yogurt, a half gallon of ice cream, a can of olives, and a pound of bananas (I brought my own bags so I just loaded them up as I shopped). The lines were super long since everyone was stocking up because of the storm and Eddie was NOT cooperating in line. Luckily the Christmas lights strung above the registers kept him entertained so we made it without incident. But next time, he'll just have to sit in a wet cart. (The next day, Peggy's masseuse was at the house and said to me as I walked by, "Julie, you're holding some tension in your upper back, between your shoulder blades." Ya think?)

About five minutes after Dave put Eddie to bed that night we poured ourselves a glass of wine. The phone started ringing off the hook with automated water alarms. And then actual customers started calling the house, too, complaining about not having water. So Dave suited up into a rain slick and muck boots so he and John could go out to find and fix the problem (it sounded like a whole neighborhood was out of water). John left the house in a jean jacket and leather lace-up work boots...he grumbled that he'd be miserable out in the storm anyway so changing his clothes to rainproof stuff wasn't necessary.

Someone finally called and said there was a downed tree near the pumping station. Every five minutes or so the phone rings and Peggy runs down the hall to her room with her Steno pad to jot down notes from whoever is calling her. The more information she can relay to John when he calls on his cell, the better (assuming, of course, that he can get reception...up in the woods here it is very hit-or-miss). Dave left his work truck at the house so at least we had his radio to relay information.

It turns out they found the problem immediately: a mudslide completely wiped out a pumping station north of Anchor Bay. Dave said parts of the building, its electrical panels, and the pump inside were about 60 feet from where they were supposed to be. There was a tree down the middle of the roof, too. The tank at that station had drained down to only about three feet. They turned the appropriate valves on/off to reroute water from another location so folks did have water that same night. But they were put on a boil order (for drinking and cooking), just to be safe, until they could get the water tested.

The company manager, Jana, had to call every single person in that neighborhood to tell them about the boil order. This is the way it works for a small town utility company: real 24 hour customer service because everyone has your home phone number and rapid response, no matter the conditions. And people complain when they request a minor rate hike to cover mandated system upgrades and repairs!

The power went out around 2:30am and the storm kept at it. All night long the phones rang with alarms. There are a handful of folks in the company who receive these alarm calls. Once someone acknowledges the call by picking it up, it doesn't keep ringing at the other houses. At 6am, Jana was knocking on the front door yelling, "Anyone awake???" Our room has a window onto the porch so Dave rolled over and talked to her through the window. She said we weren't getting all the calls...there was no power at the main station. So Dave pulled on some clothes, got his dad, I made them a quick breakfast in the dark (thank goodness for gas stoves!), and off they went. Knowing people would be waking up soon without water, they were sure to hurry so they could get the generators up and running. Next time when you complain about a power, water, or gas outage consider that folks probably ARE working as fast as they can.

Our power came on just as the guys were leaving, apparently three oak trees fell onto the line just down the street from my in laws' house. We had coffee already ground and Coleman lanterns in the kitchen, just in case it went out again. Lucky for us our day continued on as normal (making 7 quarts of spiced caramel apples and playing on the heavy equipment in the shop)...Dave and John, however, had to spend a lot of time outside surveying the damage and then coordinating with the county, other utilities, and contractors to get the building rebuilt. My day was definitely better than his. =)

That storm dumped 4.55" of water in only 36 hours...that is a crazy amount of water, no wonder there was a mudslide!

Crappy Internet + Holiday Madness + Storms = No Blog for Julie

Not having "fast" or somewhat reliable internet drives me nutty. Whenever I come to Gualala I'm frustrated by it for the first day, and then just don't worry about it anymore and enjoy my disconnected status.

I have two separate posts saved as drafts on my phone using an app called BlogAway but they won't post for some reason--I added a picture to each post and I think that's the problem. I can't figure out how to delete a photo from the post in that app and since the internet is soooooooooo slooooooooow here most of the time I can't ask the Almighty Google for advice.

Eddie won't let me use the computer without his "help" (which translates to him stealing the wireless mouse, turning the computer on/off, and doing the butterfly stroke on the keyboard). And last night we were so tired we didn't feel like trying to find the wireless password so I could use my laptop in bed.

We were without power for several hours during the crazy storm and a landslide wiped out a pumping station for the water company and we lost a LOT of sleep because the phones were ringing off the hook with pump alarm calls. Ah, life on the lost coast when you run a utility company...

More later, promise!

Remember That Feeling

If you are perfectly healthy and pain-free right at this moment, I suggest doing the following, just to remind yourself how nice it feels:

-Breath in deeply

-Swallow

-Stretch your muscles, do a little happy dance to engage your whole body

-Think about your digestive tract: how good your stomach feels happily digesting your last meal without cramping, nausea, excess gas, or other foul side effects

We always take for granted how good we actually feel on a daily basis...in fact, how we don't feel much at all because we are healthy and all our systems are in good working order.

I shouldn't complain too much because life could be much worse...so I will calmly state that I am stuck in bed with a nasty sinus infection and cough. I forgot how nice it is to be unaware of my sinuses until about Saturday night. And how nice it is to breathe through my nose and chew without noticing my achy sinuses every time I bite down on food.

I have relied on multi-symptom cold medication at night so I can sleep, but go without it during the day. I know that I won't be able to avoid over-exerting myself with cleaning, working, errands etc. if I feel well, so I let myself feel sick so I'm reminded to take it easy and sleep as much as possible (sleep is the BEST medicine!). I can't decide if that makes me a freak or a reasonable person.

Oh well, it is what it is (as my mother-in-law would say).